"Netherworlds" Story, Part 2

     A soul without eyes would grope around, without ears would be without balance, and without limns would hop, skip or slither.

     Satan forbade his legions from harassing Jason in any way. The Devil wanted to have all the fun of torturing his guest. Lucifer longed to personally condemn a man's soul himself instead of it happening naturally. Here was his chance.

    Ere Jason even met Beelzabub he heard a sinister voice giving him a less-than kind welcome: "Who dares to enter the pits of Hades? You may be brave, but you're a fool to visit Hell." Satan then appeared through a cloud of mist. 

    When the mist cleared, spikes of stalagmites and stalactites glowed bright red attracting insect-like critters with eyes, legs, wings and most other parts in sets of six. These creatures also had vice-like mandibles which moved like bellows and vibrating stingers.  As for Lucifer, he had a dark, sinister complexion, a tail shaped like a trident and horns. He also seemed to have shimmering tattoos of mayhem and destruction of every imaginable, or was it all an illusion? He sometimes appeared as an enticingly beautiful woman, a man, a lizard or a serpent.

      In spite of earlier threats, Satan formally welcomed Jason to Hell and gave him a grand tour. In the hottest part of Hell was at least one former televangelist who swindled many gullible followers into sending money to spare his life from God. God gladly gave Satan custody of this fool's soul.  The disgraced preacher was forever fated to drown in melted down silver and gold coins or to sear among burning paper currency. Meanwhile, a very homely woman was constantly drowning in her excessive supply of makeup. This preacher's wife also swindled millions of believers in the name of God.

      At an intermediate level were mostly snooty ladies and some men who once wore fur coats. All of these ladies were destined to be forever chased and attacked by carcasses of minks, ermines, chinchillas, cheetahs, rabbits, and others.  Some were individuals with claws and teeth, others were modified coats collectively biting these women in perpetuity. If one of these ladies wounded an aggressor its entrails would become stinging worms or biting serpents, its legs clawed leeches, and its blood would propel voracious piranhas at these ladies until the coats regenerated. Jason was somewhat sickened, but he had no sympathy for these selfish and self-centered women.   (to be cont'd)     

"Netherworlds: A Visit to Hell"

I wrote "Netherworlds" 20 yrs. ago. I submitted it for the Playboy College Fiction contest, but I didn't win. Admittedly, fiction isn't my forte, but I think my story is pretty good. Judge for yourself.

  "Netherworlds: A Visit to Hell"             Jason had nothing but misfortune for most of his life. Everything that went wrong increased his resentment. His fate, to him was so unfair that he was willing to risk Death and Damnation by challenging both Heaven and Hell. Jay only believed there was a god since someone was probably responsible for many of the world's flaws; but he refused to worship God or believe superstitious legends.

     Jon Ian Johnson was the only person Jason entrusted with his plan. Jay entrusted Ian to care for his body while he was away and to tell noone else. Jason planned to take certain drugs and perform certain occult rituals in order that his soul might travel to the Beyond while his comatose body would be kept alive as long as possible.  When Jay went into his self-induced coma, Ian told a few friends just in case he was unable to take care of his comatose patient.

      Miraculously, soon after he rested, the soul vacated Jason's body. His soul travelled through roots, soil, trees, rocks, cliffs, over ridges, mountains, and clouds, past planets, asteroids, stars and sky and after what seemed to be an eternity he finally arrived at his first Destination.

     In Heaven Jay was quite impressed with the scenery. None of Earth's apparent flaws occurred in Heaven. Jason boldly conversed with God about how thoroughly imperfect the world is.  God's explanation hardly satisfied Jay. God knew Jason intended to enter Hell and He strongly disapproved. But, he generously allowed Jason to rest at Cape God, Paradise's best resort. After relaxing there a while, Jay felt much better about his lot in life, but he needed answers. He was still determined to go to Hell.

       On his way to Perdition, he pondered certain enigmas of Heaven and Hell. He figured out that Devil spelled backwards spelled Lived and the reversal of God in Latin (Dei) with a D at the end spelled Died. Significant clue or coincidence?  Female rearranged became Flame and there were two possibilities for the River Styx.  If the river Styx was water it could perhaps extinguish the flames of Hell, but if it was a River-of-Sticks it could keep the flames going forever.

      Jay didn't realize how tainted his soul could become, but if he did that wouldn't have stopped him.  Jason noticed many dangerous demons right off. Wood, gas, nuclear and microwave energy kept the flames going. The Incubi and Succubi were equipped with such weapons as tusks, talons, fangs and antlers.

     On Earth, Demons were the basis of such legends as vampires and werewolves. When a demon exited a cave amid vampire bats people thought up Vampires.  Demons could also shape-shift to human or animal form, almost at will.

      Long before Jason embarked on this voyage, others had been to Hell in out-of-body experiences. None of them survived the trip.

     There were many souls residing in Hell, most deserving of their Fate. Most deserving of their Damnation were certain televangelists and politicians. The next most deserving were Big Game Hunters and women who wore fur coats. One thing that shocked Jason was that many organ donors were in Hell. He could easily tell what body parts were missing by their movements alone.    (to be cont'd) Part 1 of 3 or 4

"Lazy Beam" and "Butterflies and Moths", Poetry

    "Lazy Beam":           A Lazy Beam can make you sleep/ Or keep you standing still./ The shining sun can have the same effect as any Sleeping Pill./ Too much sun over time can make you really ill./ If Luck is not on your side it may just even kill.

"Butterflies and Moths":  I could never hurt a butterfly,/ But I could kill a moth./ Butterflies are graceful./ Moths eat your cloth./ Butterflies are nice and bright./ Moths [are] attracted to the Light./ On your sweaters moths so Bite./ In your home do not Invite./ If they were human I'd Indict./ Open a Window they will take Flight,/ But they'll sneak in when it is night.

           I could kick a pigeon,/ but I'd never harm a Dove./ Pigeons are to Squalor/ what Doves are to Love. Doves may flutter in the sky/ while pigeons poop from up on high... (tbc?)

Anti-Fur Poem

This is one of my favorite and arguably one of my best poems I have written so far.

"Down with Fur" or "A Message for Macy's & J. Lo."   

   During cold or winter weather/ Don't wear fur, wear pseudo-leather./ Certain folks wear skins of bear,/ It's obvious that they don't care./ While cruel traps kill furry beasts, vain girls wear fur to churchly feasts./ Those who wear their furry boots,/ may hair fall out right from their roots./ Many a beast drew its last breath,/ so gals can wear these Coats of Death./  If you wear a furry coat ,/ you best expect a nasty note./ Ladies who would wear a Sable/ are not welcome at my table./  Guys that buy their gals an Ermine/ are to me like toxic vermin.  Fur is fashion of the Vain/ Oblivious of all the animal's pain./  Come on all you Silly Girls,/ Wear something else with your Rings and Pearls./   How much Pity is there felt,/ for critters slain to make a pelt?/   In this Icy Winter Season,/ when snow is cold and wind is breezin'/ Don't Wear Fur!,/ There is no Reason./ Some would say as Bad as Treason./    With Furry Shawl,/ worn to a ball/ Animal Lovers you will gall./    At time of Yule,/ Some folks are Fooled/ That Wearing Fur makes you Look Cool/ All should know, no matter what, that [Wearing] Fur is nothing more than Cruel./  For Gloves or Clothes with Furry Trim [they] still Tear Creatures Limn from Limn./    With Cruelty Taint, a Mournful Plaint,/ I Hope your Furs meet with Red Paint!/   In these Days of Cold and Snow/ Let the Minks, Chinchillas Go!/ Shocking Minks to make a Stole;/ Clubbing Seals near the North Pole./ Some Furry Beasts are even Drowned. I Hope the Fur Biz Burns to the Ground!/ or I Hope the Fur Biz Becomes Lost and Never Found./ or I Hope the Fur Biz moves way out of Town.   

    The original poem was shaped like a Seal. Also, at least one woman who happened to read this poem thought it was more than a little misogynist. I respectfully disagree.

Some Short, Semi-Subversive Poems

"Red Tide":   An algae bloom could cause your doom if you eat the shellfish./ It will be your just desserts if your very selfish./ An algae bloom can make you ill/ please don't eat the oysters/ if you do, like aging nuns, could be in a six-foot under cloyster.           An algae bloom can cause distress if you eat some mussels. Which will affect you Inside-Out, especially [the] Corpuscles.

"Spend, Spend, Spend":  Spend, Spend, Spend, that is the trend/ Bankruptcy's around the bend./ Credit cards are to the max [Maxed Out]/ Bill Collector'(s) on our backs./ Don't pay your bills on time?/ Your creditors will not abide./ They'll try to take your every dime./ If you can't pay off your loan/ Repo-Man come(s) to your home./ Are you spending all your money?/ The IRS won't think it's funny./ If you don't have spending cash/ Best set aside a monthly stash. [Or your future will be trashed.]/ It ain't no fun to be in Debt,/ But if you're rich you are all set.

"The Outcome of Your Income":  The Outcome of Your Income is a Tax./ Every April Uncle Sam attacks [Your Wallet!]/ Which oft puts the Taxman on our backs/ [You] might as will send a CPA a fax/ For Compassion the IRS it Lacks/ 'Cuz they'll Audit you or Tax you to the max.

BTW, I forgot to mention in my previous post that I once anonymously posted a typewritten copy of haves vs. have-nots in the Break Rm. where I used to work and my former boss ripped it down as soon as he saw it.

"Haves vs. Have-Nots

"Haves vs Have-Nots":   Haves they are noble  in name not in deed;/ have-nots are noble in deed and indeed./ If not for the have-nots the haves would not be./ if not for the have-nots the haves they would need.               At false appreciation the haves are adroit./ They have an innate talent of how to exploit./ When it comes to indifference the haves do not care./ Taxes are burdens that have-nots must bear!        For have-nots some haves must hold quite a grudge./ When hard work arrives have-nots must drudge./ While haves, who are bosses, sit there and won't budge.

Haves are oft most apt to succeed./ They don't seem to care what have-nots may need.

Haves they are Evil./ Haves they are mean./ Haves have the power for haves have the greed./ If have-nots all voted haves would not lead./ If have-nots revolt(ed) haves oft must flee./ When have-nots get angry haves often bleed./ For have-nots concerns haves they should heed./ Or when have-nots get fed-up they may use (a) guill-o-tine.