Satire: "Surviving the Reagan/Bush Repression", Part 3

Satire: "How to Survive the Reagan/Bush Repression", Part 3

       You could always sponge off of friends, relatives, strangers, and acquaintances, and if you are good enough at it you may have a long, successful future ahead of you as a political candidate.

       Sell your neighbor'(s) trash as a stranger's treasure. Perhaps you could even sell it back to the very people who threw it out in the first place. Just hope P.T. Barnum was right about there being a  "sucker born every minute".  After all, both Reagan and Bush owe their elections to the Presidency to legions of these suckers. In other words, perhaps you and I.

       After eight years of Reagan and four years of Bush, it is easy to believe that no quality political candidates truly exist, but perhaps someday a decent candidate may clamber out of the slime that Reagan, Bush, and other politicians or alleged leaders tend to slither in. Until that day comes, pray (if your so inclined), forget your hopes, dreams and ambitions, or head North, East, South or West of our border, like our Fortune 500 companies have already started doing.

[This was written about sixteen years ago, but is still relevant to what is going on with the economy right now.]

Satire: "Surviving the Reagan/Bush Repression", Part 2

Satire: "How to Survive the Reagan/Bush Re/Pression", Part 2

       Mint your lint: Save, buy, sell, beg, borrow or steal all the multi-purpose lint you can get your hands on. That's right, lowly but versatile lint, the residue that remains when your laundry is done or that sometimes clings to one's belly button. Lint can be woven into blankets, clothing, tents, textiles, etc. It can even conceivably be used to trap small oft overlooked game, such as squirrels, essential to the diet of anyone whose unemployment benefits have been severed by overpaid Congressmen. Lint can also be used as tinder, or while ablaze can conceivably keep one warm on cold nights, while the government does the same with their uncleared checks after they foreclose on public housing. Finally, lint can perhaps be sewn into a noose for all the fallen politicians.

                                             How do you like your Roadkill?

       Start thinking up recipes for roadkill. Up to now, freshly killed Street Pizza has been largely overlooked for its tangible nutritional value. With George Herbert Walker Bush still in office beyond 1992, look forward to BBQ'd roadkill, roadkill soup, roadkill stew, and even roadkill pie a la mode. Perhaps the next big business will be Freeze-dried Roadkill. I'm also sure that Street Pizza could be very marketable on the Black Market. Man am I getting hungry. If you say yes to George Bush in November, you may be saying yes to years of eating roadkill, or perhaps for your neighbors and friends having to eat Street Pizza for the length of his time in office. After all, with his policies your pretty much on your own... (to be cont'd)

       

Satire: "How to Survive the Reagan/Bush Re/Pression"

Satire: "How to Survive the Reagan/Bush Repression" Part 1   [Originally published in Eastern Connecticut State University's April Fool's edition of  "The Campus Lantern"  April 1, 1992 as 'Snide Remarks'; also part of the unpublished manuscript "In Mediocrity We Trust, In Debt We Die"]

       In 1988, Bruce Springsteen said, during concerts: "Don't you vote for that F#^*in' George Bush". You didn't listen. I apologize for those of you who did not vote for Bush back then, but plenty of folks fooled by Ronald Reagan for eight years were equally fooled by George Bush. Now, it appears possible that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dim [Bush and Quayle; Reagan was Tweedle Dum] may very well get re-elected... Thus, we all better start preparing for the next  Great Re/Pression (Recession/Depression).

       Keep in mind, there are some exquisite diamonds, gold and gems, among other things, but there are few or no exquisite politicians or leaders, especially in the Reagan/Bush administrations. 

       There are three main rules for surviving the Reagan/Bush Re/Pression:

                     I: If it's free it's for me

                     II: If it costs then get lost!

                   III: If it's cheap it's to keep.     [To be cont'd]